sNaPsHoT! mY HoLiDay! (And a momoir in honor of my Grandma)

This holiday, my Auntie Gillian, Uncle Brent(UB),and my two little cousins, Sarah (5) Fiona {Fi,Fi-Fi, Fi-fer} (3), came to my Australian holiday house with my family. My holiday house is in Perth, Western Australia. And that's where my first snapshot takes place.

My heart is racing. Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom. I feel my palms sweating as I hold them in tight fists as we board the Malaysia Airlines plane. I knew I was happy to be here, on land, and I knew I was going to be happy when I touched down in Australia. It's just the in between flying in the sky bit that wasn't appealing to me. I try to fight my tears of fear from rolling down my face like a waterfall. Lots of people asked me, "Are yo okay sweetie?" I gave them all a smile and said, "Yes, I am fine.", and gave them a reassuring grin. I must have looked terrified, when sadly enough I only felt scared inside. The price to pay for being a Drama Queen I guess. I can see my mom, looking as normal as ever stepping on to the plane. Her expression was completely neutral. I'm not sure how mom's seem to do it... Hiding all their feeling to themselves... It makes me think of another time...

I am five. Driving home from my Grandma and Grandpa Angell's house, from Saskatoon to Regina. I am completely at ease. Humming along to my favourite Jungle Jams tape, my heart beating normally and a very bored expression on my face. The look on my face changes as I sense a change in the air. Worrying like crazy, I try to contain it to myself, and manage to as I do all the time. My little sister is still humming along to Jungle Jams. Sometimes I wonder how she blocks it out of her head...

We arrive home and I see my mom crying. Wet and soppy tears making her face wet and soggy. Than, all of a sudden, I realized that I was right. Something WAS wrong. That was one of the only times I have ever seen my mom cry. I heard the words softly spoken in between sobs "Gramma is dead." Feeling like my mother, I started wailing. There was an empty feeling in my stomach, and the thing I remember next was Elda, my helper, calming me down, and reading me a book called 'My Grandma Just Died'. The words in the book tried to fill my heart back up, but I pushed them down. I wasn't ready to be happy yet.----- The next day, when we read the book again, my heart, realizing it was gonna take awhile to heal. The words one again struggled to mend my broken heart, but they slowly mended me. Its taken me a while to get over the fact my Grandma Joanne Barkman is dead. And now I am fine. But every once in a while, I think of her, and a tear falls down my face in tribute to her.

Joanne Barkman was and even though she is gone now one of the most inspirational women I look up to. Her love for me was outstanding, and everyone else. I completely look up to her in everything I do. In Church, school, and the Library. (She was the best Librarian in the World)

BACK TO THE POINT-My point is, is that by the next day, at not the funeral but a service for Grandma, with all mom's and Grandma's friends My mom hardly cried.

PS(My Grandma is also the only person I momentarily, very momentarily, change my favourite color for.)

PPS (Just so you guys know,she died of pancreatic cancer. ANOTHER REASON WE SHOULD ALL DO MORE FUND RAISING FOR CANCER!)


-Zarina